List #225: True Facts about Vampires
1. Vampires DO NOT sparkle. (well, they sort of give off embers as they burn up)
2. Vampires are all evil (unless they have souls)
3. Vampires do not have souls, they have demons (except for 2 of them that do have souls, and those two really don't follow any of the vampire rules.)
4. The correct action to take when meeting a vampire is to stake it, the vampire's correct response is to turn to dust.
5. Vampires use evil trickery to make people swoon
6. Vampires are cooler if they can turn into stuff like Bats or Mist or Wolves
7. Vampires use really good PR to fool the masses into making them seem sympathetic (see Buffy Season 8 for an excellent commentary on this)
8. Vampires want to drink blood. Your blood. Don't let them make you think otherwise
9. Vampires are Undead (which is just a variety of dead), just like Zombies, Ghouls, etc. and Necrophilia is icky
10. No one remembers the rules about how Vampires are compelled to count things, so a good defense against vampires is to spread seeds all over a vampire's grave so that it has to count them all and then gets caught in the sun and vaporizes, except maybe Sesame Street
11. TV and books pretty much get it all wrong, but, when in doubt, Bram Stoker or Joss Whedon are smart.
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